Grocery aisles are a dangerous place. You stop in for one item, only to be sucked through a rabbit hole of swirling food varieties in fluorescent lights. Fat-free, Gluten-free, Low Sodium, Organic, all begging your claim. "Your thighs will thank you," they whisper in cellophane. Call it the Kroger portal, but it's a black hole where time bends and cash registers operate two at a time. 

Oreos. I only need Oreos. Be strong. Walk-in and leave. 

"I think, Aisle 7", the stock boy says. 

Weaving through shoppers, you arrive and stare into the eye of supermarket storm: 

My God. There are 40 different Oreos. Which of these will be lucky enough? Double Stuff or Red Velvet?

And there you are: a fully- grown adult, 30 minutes in, sweating over nutritional charts, surveying ingredients, and feeling shame that you and your stomach are in a hostage negotiation.  

Shopping, what a pleasure. 

Why More is Less

As consumers we love variety, yet feel trapped. On a grander scale, those who endure this paradox the most are young adults. As they launch out, they must pick from overflowing opportunities. In 2010, The New York Times stated, "universities reported a growing number of 1,500 academic programs". Most of which cost more than your starter home. 

It wasn't that long ago that life was simple and small. Your village was your community. If your grandfather and father were watchmakers, you too would be the village watchmaker. Marriages, if not arranged, were easily matched within a kiddie-sized dating pool. Yuck.  

Today we live with rapid globalization. Endless knowledge is all attainable from a cellphone. And so we envy the freedom of young adults, yet forget their life-altering choices. Boundless options, little time. So choose wisely. No stress, right?

Meet Rosaria

When you meet Rosaria, you'll notice whatever she's wearing; she's on point. Never blindly seeking Vogue's hottest trends, Rosaria knows how to craft a fresh look. And in an age of "whatever, who cares"-- I'm talking about folks wearing Crocs and cargo shorts to weddings or pajamas on planes, Rosaria has an old-world sensibility of class. 

Maybe this is from her tightly-knit Italian family. Traditional and hard-working, they center their lives around good food and sincere faith. And if given a chance, they'd probably outlaw Prego and Ragu. 

At 23, Rosaria is good at tailoring. Not just fashion, but in crafting her future. She measures her capability, cuts off distractions, adjusts setbacks while sewing together new dreams. Today, she owns and operates a thriving photography business in Metro Detroit. Rather than bravado, the fluff inside most artistic careers, she's one brave entrepreneur. 

And since figuring out your future is a terrifying journey,  I wanted to know how Rosaria navigated through her burden of choices. 

Humble Beginnings

Julie: Many are amateur photographers; how did you choose to make a career out of it?

Rosaria: When I was in junior high, it started as a fun hobby. I would take my cousins' pics in my dance costumes in my backyard. I called my studio, "Pretty and Pink." Looking back, I thought it was the coolest name. Obviously, your family loves your work, and they gave me the confidence to put my photography out there. 

Julie: Hooray for moms being our biggest fans. 

Rosaria: Totally. Every year, I competed in a national Christian arts competition, and my photos did well. So that gave me a boost to take photography classes in high school. My teacher and other experts said  I had potential. From there, I accompanied professionals and started taking portraits of friends. So then it just slowly grew from a fun hobby. 

Julie: How did putting yourself out there help?

Rosaria: At first, all of my pictures seemed dumb, and it was intimidating. I was comparing a lot. But I started gaining confidence by leaning into good criticism from quality sources — basically, those who will kindly tell you the hard truth. You can't be defensive. You won't grow. My dream of becoming a photographer was a secret. I knew it was different, and if I wanted people to take my idea seriously, I had to do it first. So before I went public, I had learned from years of many mistakes and awkward moments. 

Be Patient With the Process

Julie: With social media, there's a false sense of success. That whatever field you chose, if it didn't blow up, you're a failure. How have you seen this?

Rosaria: I think we live a culture where everything is available and quick. From fast food to even dating, waiting feels weird. And now, with social media, we also expect instant gratification. But anything that's handled fast is cheap. So I've seen a lot of startups abandoned because they didn't fully commit to the process. They stopped after a couple of months because their business didn't blow up. Now they're in this weird place and don't know what to do. Often they jump into another career that they hate to pay the bills. They just needed to give previous one enough attention and time to see if it worked. 

Julie: So how long did it take you to find success in your business?

Rosaria: About six years. 

Julie: During those years, did you ever altogether doubt your career choice?

Rosaria: Yeah, my first year of college. All of my friends were focusing on their four-year majors, yet my business was at a complete standstill. I was trying so hard. Everything I invested in, wasn't moving forward as I imagined. I felt like I made a big mistake. I felt behind everyone and directionless. 

Julie: How did you find the confidence to stick with it and press on?

Rosaria: My faith in Jesus gave me peace. I've learned that because my identity is in Christ, I don't need to search for society's satisfaction.The Bible says that Jesus will never leave you. So why fear? And when you have peace, you have the confidence and courage to stick with it and refine your talent.   

Julie: How did you refine your talent?

Rosaria: At first, my business looked like everyone else's, and people would say, "Oh, I could get you into working with…",  and it was discouraging because I had a legit business. Much of creating is conquering fear and being honest with your work. I can't do it without faith. So, I took a risk and decided to switch things up. I started staging my seniors in unique locations; that's when the business really picked up. 

Julie: It's funny how, when we're in a rut, we want significant changes when in reality, a small tweak can change everything. 

Rosaria. Yes. You have to go through the process. You have to fail to know yourself better. And by drilling down, I know who I am, I see the value of my work, and what I can offer.  

A Meteoric Rise in Depression and Anxiety

When Rosaria chose photography, that meant she couldn't do other things. 

I've worked with brilliant, talented young women, and they are often entirely paralyzed by the choices they face. It's funny, they're not paralyzed when shopping for clothes, but they're stuck when it comes to deciding what to do when they graduate. It's maddening, the whole world is open to them and they just stand there at the edge terrified. They know they have to pick something, but don't know how to do it.

I have a pet theory that the decrease in mental health is directly related to the burden of choice. Typically having lots of options is good. Where young adults get into trouble is when they combine too many options with high expectations. 

Now, obviously, you have to be careful here because something as complicated as depression doesn't have a single cause.

But I think the rise of the perfect woman on social media forces a young woman to evaluate herself incorrectly. The result-- your life feels duller and shabbier. Your life seems less, your career choice less competent because everyone else is living this perfect life and making this fantastic career. 

There's nothing wrong with having high expectations when you have picked a life path. A stay-at-home mom should say to herself, "I want to become the best mom for my kids and my home." But, having high expectations can never be combined with unlimited choice. It's a recipe for disaster, or in most cases, a recipe for depression. 

What Are My Talents?

In the famous story of the talents, Jesus tells a parable about three men who were given money. Two men invested the money and doubled their holdings, while the last man was paralyzed by fear and buried it. The master was angry with the man who did nothing. A lot of sermons focus on the man who was afraid. But, I think it's interesting that the men who succeeded did so by investing their money. Nobody told them what to do, so they came up with a plan and followed it through to the end. Oddly, the type of money is called a talent. And I think our actual talents work much the same way. We have talents entrusted to us, and when we work on them, God provides the increase. But WE have to refine them; WE have to invest in them. 

For when you focus on finding your talents, you're focusing on finding what God placed inside of you. 

A Whiny Whine from a Wimpy Woman

I can hear some of you complaining from here. "B-b-but, I'm not g-good at anything," whiny cat lady mewls from behind her cat hair covered shawl. Give me a break! Of course, you don't know what to do with your life. You've never stuck with anything long enough to get good at it! "Y-yes I have," she stammers. "I've been going to community college for five years." Oh, please. Sucking at something for half a decade is not how big girls define perseverance. 

When someone complains that they're not good at anything, what they're doing is blaming God for not giving them talent. Like the wimpy man who blamed his master for his failure to invest his talent, the wimpy woman needs to confront these powerful questions: 

What did God make you for? What did he bring you into this world? For what purpose? Find that one burning purpose. This is your life we're talking about here. Just, pick something, pick it and work at it long enough to hate it, then do it some more until you're 100% certain that you're awesome and talented at it or you suck at it, and you never want to do it again. Then, and only then, will you be able to say if you're truly talented at something or not. 

Finding out that you're not talented at something is a cause for celebration. Suck at oil painting? Hooray! Throw those tubes you bought at Michaels in the trash and eat your still life fruit before it spoils. It's time to try snowboarding lessons! 

Julie: How has your talent in photography become a way for you to share God's love?

Rosaria: I love taking people's portraits, especially teenage girls. When I show them their picture, unedited right from my camera, they light up. Whatever lie they believe, whatever insecurity they feel, it's like my picture is proof of how beautiful they are. My photographs capture their true worth. This is why I chose photography, and this is how I'll make a difference. 

You Are God's Handiwork

Remember, God created your innermost being and knit you together in your mother's womb. You are fearfully and wonderfully made (Ps. 139:13-14). You have been given talents that have been chosen specifically for you (Romans 12:6-8). God desires for you to use the talents He has given you. 

If you combine high expectations with too many options, you will languish in anxiety that might even slip into depression. But if you get to work figuring out your gifts you will soon learn more and more about who God designed you to be. And guess what? This journey will satisfy you, will bless and enable you to serve others effectively, and will bring glory to your designer.